That time I almost dropped out of business school, or, The need to be okay.

I had a high school accounting teacher who was phenomenal in a few ways. Highest among these was her uncanny ability to re-assure us with the simple phrase: “It’ll be okay”.

Part of it was that she was always right, so much so that when she went on maternity leave, several students actually recorded her saying it so they could hear it when her substitute took over. Accounting used to be so difficult, but we’d be okay because she said so.

Carrying those same accounting lessons forward, this past week was my first at one of Canada’s best business schools.  It did not start well.

It was one of those times where if I had recorded my life on paper, it should have equalled happiness. I should’ve been happy, even thrilled.

But, like the Swedish Olympic Hockey Team, it all looked good only on paper.

I was uncomfortable, and very, very afraid. I was out of my depth, having to prepare three business cases a night to be ready to participate and contribute in class the next day. Between the supplementary readings and doing the cases themselves, this amounted to an average of six hours of work a night, though it took me about nine.

Now, more than ever, I needed to know things would be okay.

People did their best to re-assure me. “First week is the hardest”, they said. “They kick your ass on purpose”, they said.

Well, the ass-kickers knew what they were doing. For the first time in a long time, I considered quitting. Or, as my mind eloquently rationalized it, “strategically withdrawing”. One more year of comfortable, safe, familiar political science. That’s all I needed.

As I crawled into bed past midnight for the third, or maybe the fourth time, I thought back to political science, my program for the past two years. It dawned on me that I loved political science, but I wasn’t scared of it any more. There was so much more to learn, but those volumes compared to what I needed to know to ace a course were like night and day. And when you stop being scared of something, you know that it’s time to move on, or at least take a break.

Business school was different. Yes I worked hard, for the first time in maybe a long time. But I loved it. I was scared every time I went into a class, but I raised my hand for better or worse because everyone is scared of looking stupid and the only way around it is to take the shot.

Thinking back on my accounting teacher and her advice, it wasn’t her saying it that made it true. She re-assured us about how great we already were. She knew we would be okay, because we’d make it so.

As I prepare to work and slog through my second week, I know it’s going to be rough. I know I’m going to be humbled, that I’ll probably sleep late and wake-up early, that I’ll again be challenged at every turn.

 And honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

                                                                                                                                      

I wanted to apologize for not posting last week. I was in the midst of getting to know my new surroundings and also completely lacked wi-fi. On the plus side, I just had this piece published by the Canadian Youth Business Foundation! It’s called “The enriching unpaid internship”, and it’s basically the “my summer of internships” post that I promised you guys here. Thanks for sticking with me. C-Suite Dreams!

Editor’s note: If you have a topic idea, I’d love to hear from you! Suggestions can be made in the comments section or on Twitter @JeremyDeMello.