The first thing that you should know about this post is that I write as a student. I live in London (Ontario) for eight months of the year, so distance keeps me from seeing my friends as often as I might like. The obstacle could just as easily be the daily routine of life, and even in four months of summer, I sometimes use this excuse as well.
The problem with these little defences is that they’re ultimately defending laziness. If we really wanted to re-connect with someone, we already would have. We would already have sent that Facebook message, fired off that e-mail, or dare I say it, made that phone call. The first necessity about re-connecting is that you have to want to do it. As Yoda, Jedi master, once said, “Do or do not. There is no try.”
Once you commit to re-connecting, it’s best to spend five or ten minutes composing a coherent life update, somewhat specific to the person you’re communicating with based on the interests you share and influenced by how close you are. Consider length and detail; you don’t want to message them a thesis on your life’s goings-on and you don’t want their answering machine to have to cut off your message. This all translates to not wanting to overwhelm them. It also ensures that you have a real conversation with them rather than an essay contest.
On the flip-side, a simple “How’s it going?” can be just as bad. This is because it’s automatically met with “Good, you?” This is how this exchange works in real life; “how are you?” is not intended to see how a person really is, but as a greeting. One of the problems with this as it relates to re-connecting is that it likely stops the conversation before it can begin. Even if the person is doing fine, all the nuances of re-connecting are thrown away, depriving both of you of a meaningful conversation as “good” glosses over details.
Everything I’ve discussed details online interactions with friends or casual acquaintances. In many ways, staying within your current circle of friends is much easier than trying to expand it. This compulsion to stay comfortable affects everyone, regardless of age. This being said, you can never have too many friends.
If you’re nervous about meeting new people, the best way to do so would be to meet them in an environment you’re comfortable in. For example, and I promise this is a completely voluntary plug that just happens to illustrate my point, I recently attended the Cool Connections BBQ & Beach Volleyball networking event. At this event, I knew perhaps two or three people out of more than two dozen.
Knowing people allows you to have a bit of security at the event, people you can speak to if you’re nervous or who can help warm you up to meeting new people. Even the best networkers benefit from a bit of small-talk before an event starts, so it’s definitely valuable for people more hesitant.
Another trick to overcome nerves when meeting new people is to set goals. The old standard is to make sure you possess at least one business card coming out of an event. Of course, you should be sure to send a follow-up e-mail afterwards to forge a meaningful relationship. Networking is just socializing if you don’t attempt to create a lasting connection.
In summary, decide consciously that you want to re-connect with old friends and/or make some new ones. Try not to overwhelm the old friends or be overwhelmed by nerves when trying to meet new friends. And, especially with new connections, be sure to follow-up. These bits of advice will go a long way towards helping you GYST.
Jeremy De Mello is President of Atlas Symposium, an annual conference held in downtown Toronto that provides high school delegates interested in business with straightforward, jargon-free answers to their questions about university. He loves meeting new people, so feel free to e-mail him at jeremy.demello@atlassymposium.org, or reach out to him on Twitter @JeremyDeMello.
No comments:
Post a Comment