I actually did it? or, How we truly are our own worst enemies.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I first learned that quote in seventh grade while researching a speech on Nelson Mandela. At the time, I didn’t quite understand the meaning of the phrase, but I had a sense of its power and decided to end the speech with it.

At face value, fearing our own power makes very little sense. Short of being the Incredible Hulk, we have no reason to be afraid of how awesome we are or could be. And yet, many of us are.

Do something right now. Picture an amazing future for yourself. The kind where you’re doing what you’re passionate about, changing the world, making a mark that history will remember. We all have dreams. Whatever your dream is and whenever you’re dreaming it, have you ever heard a quiet little voice that says something like “Hey, maybe I could actually be that spectacular someday?”

In this world, you’ve put in the work to get that skill. You’ve practised long and hard to play that instrument, dance that dance, or public speak that speech.  Sure you feel happy to imagine it, but the more you imagine how good you are and how much better you’re becoming, another feeling emerges: pressure.

You’re great at this thing and all of a sudden, people start expecting things. “If I’ve become this great at something”, you say to yourself, “people will always expect me to be that great. People will always be waiting for me to slip up, waiting to criticize me. They’ll always expect more. I’ll always have to be this smart, this talented, I’ll always have to be ‘on’ because they’ll criticize anything less.”

And that quiet little voice? Well in my experience, it’s the harshest critic of all. The voice sees through the image that you project to others and cuts through the lies you tell yourself. The same voice that makes you believe your dreams are possible is the same one that rips you for not following them. The same voice that allows you to believe in a better version of you is the same one that tears you apart for not being him.

Overcoming the expectations of others and meeting your own personal standards are difficult to tackle at the same time. This is further complicated by the fact that what other people expect and what you want to be might be very different.

The solution that’s worked for me is to re-frame the problem. I want to be the best version of myself, I want to chase my dreams, and I don’t want to care nearly as much about what others might expect. Since the last of these is often very difficult, I find that keeping certain goals private allows me to bypass whatever others think because they simply don’t know what’s going on. This also allows you to settle up with your internal voice. You can’t criticize yourself for not being the best version of yourself when you are actively being that person.

After all this, if you’re still afraid of success, let me ask you to imagine one last thing. You’re about to die and your life flashes before your eyes. Do you want to see a rich, full life of success, failure, and meaningful experience? Or do you want to see a life where you lived in quiet mediocrity, constantly afraid of criticism and never doing anything worthwhile?

Choose, and choose well.

This is the second in a three-part series on Fear. Next week, I’ll talk about how I overcome Fear.